Friends

I was over at A Moment Shared and I was reminded of a Tim McGraw song, I'm not asking for much. If it's out there, I really hope it's lucky number... six. Sigh. Most people have two major relationships in their lives, I've had one, the failed one, I'm glad it failed, and I'm happy to have come away from it. This has been a long year, the year I decided enough being alone. The year I set out what I wanted and although I've been open to suggestion and quite interested in what if's, all I have got from this year is the pleasure of looking like a fool and bad sex. It's not nice to use/be used, it's not nice to be degraded into filtering online personals and crossing fingers for numbers at nights out, it's not nice to be without anything to look forward to. A part of me is quite ashamed, and feels pretty pathetic but a part of me is hopeful. I, just like every other girl, wants to be found. I want a best friend who will give me everything I wanted. Happy 2007.

Stupid

I did something I shouldn't have today. It involved the ex.

Eve

I hope everyone has a good time over the next week. I'm just finished with all my Santa duties. Ready for bed and looking forward to Mom's turkey.

Its been a long week

I have not stopped this week, shopping for the little ones Christmas, going to Church, working, trying to tell my Mom about 4. It has got under my skin. But I did buy a CD, the first one in a while; Get Cape Wear Cape Fly. Its quite good it reminded me of the Moments Shared blog. There is a Christmas party at work, and I've got my outfit, its sparkly and red. Maybe I'll get a bit much needed attention. I've got to go wrap these gifts.

HNT after working out

More toned What If

Hnt

Just right for those lollipops

5.disgust

Ok, so I made the mistake of going out with the intern. A cute boy, seemed harmless enough. Read here, my story would be something the same but there was knee to crotch and swearing I am away to give in to my need to nap. Needless to say his internship is over.

Lesson 9 - Self defence is important

Thinking about lesson four

I do miss sex, but I miss love more, making love, the comfortable sinking into someone and feeling how they love me spilling from their fingertips and their lips. There are few men who can express anything but want in the bedroom and I was lucky, to for a short time capture the attention of a man who loved me and could show me, he could make love. He could hold me, make love to me, make me sigh a sigh of satisfaction. I am upset everytime I have sex that I lost that, it's never been close. My friends all talk about husbands not being able to make love to them how they imagine it ought to be and self help books all say that there are not going to be many men who ever give you what you want. What are they doing, are my expectations too high, I want to feel good about myself. Today has been a hard day, 4 called earlier with no idea why we can't continue, why I have 'went cold' on him, I think I will start carrying the checklist around with me and be strict with myself.

Hnt

4.x

I thought to let him redeem himself, he is a nice guy. I really don't know if I could teach him, he thinks he's great and really he's just weak. He came round and "grabbed" me. I could go on, but its depressing.

Lesson 8 - 40 year old men can be boys

4.3

What a disappointment. I was expecting raw passion, roaming hands and flirting. Kisses that would fire up my loins. But no, I got ten minutes on his couch of some kind of thing you couldn't even pass off as groping never mind foreplay. Then we got to bed and ten minutes would be flattering, with what I wouldn't call a stick of rock. There was something very flimsy and nervous about this "man", unless I didn't do it for him. Oh, I don't know. I don't think I'll try to find out about this one. He seems to have become a bit of a deflated idea, he doesn't fit the sheet.